Just When You Thought the Chicken Sandwich Wars Had Ended, KFC Decides to Fire Another Shot
This guy needs a date. Or at least a hobby. Courtesy of KFC
The other day, I was watching football with my friend Rob when a KFC commercial came on advertising its newest giant fried chicken sandwich. The camera zoomed in on the sandwich, which I strongly suspect is not nearly that big when you buy one from the restaurant, and Rob said, “Who eats those???”
Americans, Rob. Americans. (See also: Obesity.)
I assumed Popeye’s had already won the Great Chicken Sandwich War, but much like the armless and legless Black Knight of “Monty Python and the Holy Grail Fame,” KFC apparently isn’t done fighting. And now, to accompany their new sandwich promotion, they’re announcing an even BIGGER chicken sandwich that is … wait. It’s a pillow.
A $100 pillow.
“You read that right,” crows a news release, “KFC has created a giant, nearly three-foot KFC Chicken Sandwich stuffed pillow plushie just in time for the season of love.”
So now you know what to get your boo for Valentine’s Day. A giant, stuffed, fake poultry-plushie sandwich. For $100. (OK, it’s $99.99, but that doesn’t include shipping.)
I loathe KFC’s food and I have long been annoyed by the chain’s not-cute, over-the-top marketing, which is exemplified by lines like this: “The KFC Chicken Sandwich Snuggler is a delicious twist on 'KFC's best chicken sandwich ever,' and the perfect gift for those craving something cuddly, and quite frankly, a little bit outrageous, in the best way possible!”
Seriously, it’s been this way for years with these people. It was around 2005 when I was writing a piece about KFC’s nutritional content or somesuch for a trade publication, and I reached out to KFC for a comment. Some PR turd responded with a quote that read something like this, “We’ve been doing it the Colonel’s Way for [insert number here] years with 11 herbs and spices, which is why everything we make is Finger-Lickin’ Good!”
I had asked a serious question about cholesterol content, for god’s sake. But anyway, about the pillow, the news release continues its sales pitch with, “So, whether you're single and snuggling solo or cozying up with your partner or closest friends for a night in, the KFC Chicken Sandwich Snuggler has the versatility to be the perfect napping accessory. Enjoy a snuggle after sinking your teeth into a KFC Chicken Sandwich meal or spice up any room in your home (trust us, it's impossible to miss).”
And then they wind up for one final, flailing punch with a quote from — you guessed it — a marketer.
"We set a new standard for modern comfort food with the introduction of our KFC Chicken Sandwich last year," said Nick Chavez, chief marketing officer, KFC U.S. "Now fans can snuggle up with the sandwich they love the most thanks to our KFC Chicken Sandwich Snuggler!"
So, if you’re the kind of person who wants to snuggle with a fake chicken sandwich, this is all you. And you’d better order soon, because I have it on good authority that “when they’re gone, they’re gone!”
And my god, will I be glad when this promotion is gone.
