KFC Brings Beyond Fried Chicken to Market, For Some Reason

Wait, can chickens fly? Are these space chicken nuggets? What is going on? Courtesy of KFC

Kentucky Fried Chicken and Beyond Meat announced a new product roll-out: Beyond Fried Chicken. Starting Monday, Jan. 10, you too can go to any participating KFC and get a bucket of Not Chicken. Best of all? The bucket is green instead of the traditional red. I guess because plants.

In other words, up is down. Black is white. You get the idea.

For some reason, the marketing rollout pitch is touting this as “a Kentucky Fried Miracle,” based apparently on the fact it took the companies two years to come up with the right formula after trial rollouts in other countries and select U.S. markets that led to quick sellouts, proof that people are highly susceptible to expensive marketing.

(To be fair, it will be a miracle if I ever eat one of these things.)

The plant-based Beyond Fried Chicken was developed by Beyond Meat exclusively for KFC, and according to a news release, “It's packed with delicious flavor and the juicy satisfaction that you'd expect from KFC's iconic fried chicken but in a plant-based option that's still finger lickin' good.”

Sure, cool.

Seriously, what even is this?

But speaking of expensive marketing, ol’ Yum! Brands is really going for it on this one, even if calling this thing a “Miracle” might be a big overplay. But get this copy from the news release: “In a new campaign celebrating the partnership, KFC and Beyond Meat are rolling out the ‘Magic Chicken Carpet’ for actress, producer, and creator Liza Koshy, who swoops in to reveal the Kentucky Fried Miracle of plant-based Beyond Fried Chicken. Liza rose to fame on social media bringing equal parts funny, fantastical, and slightly unexpected (kind of like the idea of plant-based fried chicken) content to fans worldwide.”

You ever watch a friend hit on someone in a bar and think, “Man, he/she is trying way too hard”? I mean, “Rolling out the Magic Chicken Carpet?” What does that even mean? Awkward.

Beyond Fried Chicken is served with a choice of your favorite KFC dipping sauce: Honey BBQ, Ranch, Honey Mustard and KFC Sauce. It is available as KFC's first ever plant-based combo meal with Secret Recipe Fries and a medium drink, or à la carte in six or 12-piece orders. Prices will start at $6.99. Do not be surprised if the next product is a Miracle Not At All Chicken Sandwich or somesuch, brought to market in a magic bus that flies upside down.

Oh, and the news release ended with this stipulation: “*Not prepared in vegan/vegetarian manner.” So, what’s that mean? It’s cooked in meat oil? There’s meat in the breading? If it’s not “prepared in a vegan/veggie manner,” then what’s the point of all this? Can vegans still eat the stuff and remain vegan?

What day is this anyway? Sheesh.