KFC Reaches New Levels of Stupid With ‘Finger Sporks’ Promotion
Why? Image courtesy of KFC
KFC, the fried chicken chain that does everything in its power to repel consumers, has reached new levels of stupid with its latest promotion: Finger Sporks.
That’s right, it’s a tiny spork — a combination spoon/fork — designed to slide onto your finger. You know, for people who either are too stupid to use an actual utensil or those who only like to eat one kernel of corn at a time. Well done, KFC. Here’s how the press release on the promotion starts out: “All fingers point to KFC today as the fried chicken chain unveils an innovative eating utensil that makes all your KFC favorites (literally) finger lickin' good. Introducing KFC Finger Sporks, KFC's new ergonomic and gastronomic piece of tableware-tech that'll bring out the fun in family dinner.”
I’m not going to lie, I feel dumber for having read that. But wait — there’s more.
KFC says the stupid new items are based on the original sporks that KFC helped popularize in the early 1970s when Colonel Harland Sanders adopted them as the utensil of choice for all of his Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants. And here are attributes KFC actually listed the Finger Sporks as possessing: “Precision prong articulation, anterior branding optimization and sporkasticity technology.” It’s all apparently enough to “make it more fun to scoop out your mac & cheese, retrieve that last piece of corn and delight in your mashed potatoes.”
Jesus. But then the announcement even gives directions on how to use it. Basically, for idiots so stupid that they can’t manage to feed themselves.
Check it out: “To use, simply place your finger in the KFC Finger Spork, dip said finger into your favorite KFC side item and then elevate the vessel into your mouth.”
There’s even a throwback infomercial to show how to use the new utensil. Why is it steeped in ‘90s culture? Great question. None of that is explained, it just is. Go with it. That’s the genius of KFC corporate marketing — it targets the absolute stupidest among us so that it never has to try or make sense.
“We can't wait to see other creative uses our customers come up with, like enhancing high-fives, creating a one-of-a-kind friendship bracelet or playing the saxophone,” the news release says. If I get one, it will go straight onto my middle finger.
Want one? Just order a KFC Sides Lovers Meal via the KFC mobile app, KFC.com or at participating KFC locations starting June 21 through July 12 to receive two free KFC Finger Sporks, while supplies last.*
"KFC Finger Sporks are taking sides off the sidelines and putting them in the spotlight," said Nick Chavez, CMO, KFC U.S., WTF, OMFG. "Every detail of the innovative Finger Spork has been carefully crafted and pressure tested – by way of eating many KFC sides – for the optimal finger lickin' good experience."
*To qualify for 2 free KFC Finger Sporks, you must purchase a Sides Lovers Meal between June 21 and July 12, at participating locations while supplies last. Customer responsible for all taxes and fees. Cannot be combined with other offers. No cash value. Non-transferable. Subject to cancellation at any time. Did you really read this far? Didn’t think so.
