April 1: Student Driver Somehow Successfully Navigates Rush Hour on Bardstown Road on First Try

Palmer narrowly escaped her harrowing journey down Bardstown Road. Wikimedia Commons/Ildar Sagdejev

This one goes back to 2010 and obviously is too terrifying to be true. Happy April Fools Day, folks.

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Fifteen-year-old Danielle Palmer, after taking a wrong turn during a driver’s education class last week, miraculously navigated a stretch of Bardstown Road starting at Grinstead Drive and heading south all the way to the Douglass Loop. 

Palmer, who attends Assumption High School, was visibly shaken following the incident, in which eleven drivers turned without signaling, eight different pedestrians crossed in front of her without looking, two bicyclists absent-mindedly swerved into her path and some $#%#ing guy in a Jetta tail-gated her for what seemed like a mile.

“But the arrows,” she said, lip quivering. “I didn’t understand the arrows. And I don’t think anyone else did either, because people were passing me in the turning lane, there were still cars parked in the lane with a green arrow and … and … .”

Palmer then burst into tears and refused to answer further questions.

“You just hate to see something like this,” said her driving instructor and biology teacher Glenn Davidson. “But I honestly thought it would be good for her, you know? Kind of show her a bit of the real world, get her prepared.”

Davidson would not answer questions regarding the rumored civil lawsuit Palmer’s parents have planned.

“I’ll say this, though,” he added, “I think we’re damn lucky there wasn’t a bar crawl going on. If she thinks Bardstown Road is scary at 3 p.m., wait until she drives this strip on a Saturday night.”